How to Raise a Materialistic Kid
Wednesday, September 10, 2008 Posted by Christina
Take one 3-year-old boy (the first grandchild on either side of the family).
Add a doting extended family.
Add stubborness and difficulty adapting to change.
Add parents desperate to potty train the boy.
And now you've gotten the situation we're in right now.
Our potty training efforts actually started many months ago... many months before he turned three. Our H-man was extremely stubborn, and would not even SIT on the potty. There were so many screaming fits, we backed off.
We tried putting him in cloth training pants, but the fight continued. We tried to let him go naked. We tried to bribe him with cookies, candy, chips... still, the tantrums continued. We started using Pull-ups, which were just like glorified diapers to him.
And one day, we tried giving him a "potty prize." If he peed on the potty, we would give him a Matchbox car.
And it worked! He would RUN to the potty and pee instantly! It was GREAT.
Until he started getting picky.
"I want two cars."
"I don't want that car."
We started to resort to wrapping up the potty prizes. He liked the element of surprise, but he would still sometimes reject a potty prize because he wanted a smaller or larger one! (Not only is he stubborn, but he's smart, too!)
And as he got better at this little manipulation of Mom and Dad, he also got Grandma and Grandpa hooked in too. Soon his collection of cars and trucks was huge.
And our wallets were getting rather thin. The kid was still having accidents in his Pull-ups, still refusing to poop in the potty, and now we were spending $150 to $200 a month to just get him to pee in the potty. And the H-man had figured out the system!
Ugh.
So we knew we were going to have to wean him off the potty prizes. I created a cute little potty training chart featuring Blue from Blues Clues in one corner and a present in the other. H-man would have to earn five "clues" (or pawprints made with a rubber stamp) to get a prize. To earn a pawprint, he would have to stay dry AND use the potty.
This worked beautifully! He had one day last week with only ONE accident and actually stopped playing at the Burger King play place and yelled "Mama, I need to get a pawprint!"
Aha!
And then we had a rough day with lots of accidents. And then Grandma and Grandpa took him to town with them and bought him a present just for using the potty. They didn't even attempt the Blues Clues system!!
And then the materialism returned! You see, that little move made the H-man feel entitled to potty prizes every time he went. For the next three days, we had to FIGHT to even change him, let alone get him to go to the bathroom.
It has been a slow path back to the pawprint system, and H-man is starting to get back on track. I'm also learning that rewards don't have to be material things... they can be experiences like playing with a special toy, watching a video, or staying up a bit later.
I know he'll catch on to this potty training thing eventually, but I must admit, the frustration is getting to me.
You see, I have two other boys in diapers, too. I need H-man to get out of diapers.
But what I've realized from all this is that being a parent means making some expensive mistakes... sometimes financially (by buying Pull-ups and an insane amount of potty prizes), and also emotionally, too. I realize that if we're not careful, we will raise our son to be a materialistic kid who feels a misguided sense of entitlement.
I'm glad I'm learning from this experience. Hopefully the next two will be a piece of cake to potty train!
Add a doting extended family.
Add stubborness and difficulty adapting to change.
Add parents desperate to potty train the boy.
And now you've gotten the situation we're in right now.
Our potty training efforts actually started many months ago... many months before he turned three. Our H-man was extremely stubborn, and would not even SIT on the potty. There were so many screaming fits, we backed off.
We tried putting him in cloth training pants, but the fight continued. We tried to let him go naked. We tried to bribe him with cookies, candy, chips... still, the tantrums continued. We started using Pull-ups, which were just like glorified diapers to him.
And one day, we tried giving him a "potty prize." If he peed on the potty, we would give him a Matchbox car.
And it worked! He would RUN to the potty and pee instantly! It was GREAT.
Until he started getting picky.
"I want two cars."
"I don't want that car."
We started to resort to wrapping up the potty prizes. He liked the element of surprise, but he would still sometimes reject a potty prize because he wanted a smaller or larger one! (Not only is he stubborn, but he's smart, too!)
And as he got better at this little manipulation of Mom and Dad, he also got Grandma and Grandpa hooked in too. Soon his collection of cars and trucks was huge.
And our wallets were getting rather thin. The kid was still having accidents in his Pull-ups, still refusing to poop in the potty, and now we were spending $150 to $200 a month to just get him to pee in the potty. And the H-man had figured out the system!
Ugh.
So we knew we were going to have to wean him off the potty prizes. I created a cute little potty training chart featuring Blue from Blues Clues in one corner and a present in the other. H-man would have to earn five "clues" (or pawprints made with a rubber stamp) to get a prize. To earn a pawprint, he would have to stay dry AND use the potty.
This worked beautifully! He had one day last week with only ONE accident and actually stopped playing at the Burger King play place and yelled "Mama, I need to get a pawprint!"
Aha!
And then we had a rough day with lots of accidents. And then Grandma and Grandpa took him to town with them and bought him a present just for using the potty. They didn't even attempt the Blues Clues system!!
And then the materialism returned! You see, that little move made the H-man feel entitled to potty prizes every time he went. For the next three days, we had to FIGHT to even change him, let alone get him to go to the bathroom.
It has been a slow path back to the pawprint system, and H-man is starting to get back on track. I'm also learning that rewards don't have to be material things... they can be experiences like playing with a special toy, watching a video, or staying up a bit later.
I know he'll catch on to this potty training thing eventually, but I must admit, the frustration is getting to me.
You see, I have two other boys in diapers, too. I need H-man to get out of diapers.
But what I've realized from all this is that being a parent means making some expensive mistakes... sometimes financially (by buying Pull-ups and an insane amount of potty prizes), and also emotionally, too. I realize that if we're not careful, we will raise our son to be a materialistic kid who feels a misguided sense of entitlement.
I'm glad I'm learning from this experience. Hopefully the next two will be a piece of cake to potty train!
September 10, 2008 8:07 AM
I read your blog (first time reader) and smiled all the way through about the potty training experience. I had a son that I thought would never be trained! (also a grandson). There is just something about little boys that they don't care. Buy a little girl a pair of pretty big girl panties that she can wear when she is potty trained and you are all set. Boys? no way!! My son is now 44 and a professer with a PhD and I hardly ever have to call him up and remind him to use the bathroom!! Grandma D.
September 10, 2008 8:11 AM
Ugh - potty training. I have done it three times, with one more to go. Our oldest refused to have any part of it until I finally convinced my husband to just lay off. Within two weeks, he announced that he was done with diapers and never had an accident or had to be reminded to use the potty again. Of course, he was 3 years and 8 months at that point.
Our second, a girl, was willing be it took a while. I basically spent a month sitting on the bathroom floor and reading books to her. She was trained just before 3.
Our third, a boy, is one of those that really needs to be persuaded. We did the matchbox car trick - I bought big packs (to bring down the cost a bit) and put them all into an ice cream bucket. It worked for a while, but we had number 4 right in there and all seemed lost. My husband (bless his heart) took a week off of work and just trained 24/7. By the end of the week he was good to go.
Now number four looms - what have I learned? Basically that it just takes time and each kid is different and encouragement but not desparation or force work the best.
Good luck - you have a clever one on your hands!!
September 10, 2008 8:45 AM
Ah, so true! It's only too easy to have your kids sucked into the material culture these days. We were lucky with potty training our daughter. She loved stickers and was happy with getting to put a sticker on a chart each time she used the potty. We haven't started with our son yet, he just turned two, but when we do, we'll be sure to heed this advice!
September 10, 2008 12:39 PM
I don't know if this always works, but my cousin ended up potty training his little brother, and my aunt wasn't even aware of it until the younger boy insisted on big boy underwear one day. I think the big brother was difficult to potty train, so she saw this as her reward for that.
September 10, 2008 1:20 PM
I think most of us are guilty of these things lol! Mr. T would pee in the potty for a long time before he'd poop. Finally we told him that if he did, we'd take him to Camp Snoopy. Well...he did and we kept our word and took him to Camp Snoopy for the day. It was great! Of course at that time we didn't realize that he thought that he'd get a day at Camp Snoopy EVERY time he went in the potty! Yeah...that was ugly for a while!
September 10, 2008 1:48 PM
If it makes you feel better, when people say girls are easier to potty train, they haven't met my daughter. (Pleeeeaaaase can we stop paying for the Pull-ups?)
September 10, 2008 7:37 PM
Yikes, you're scaring me. This is coming down the pike for us as first time parents. I'm afraid I have no advice but I suppose, this too shall pass. =)
September 10, 2008 9:59 PM
We are also PT a three YO. almost 42 months old. I back off when he needs me to back off but I will try the rewards chart I like that.
September 11, 2008 7:44 AM
This sounds very familiar - we had the same situation - 3 year old boy with 2 younger siblings in diapers. We started taking away toys when he had accidents because he seemed to be so greedy about getting them in the first place and we were certainly buying him too much! Now he is 4 and finally trained but wow that was not a fun road! Good Luck
September 11, 2008 8:20 AM
Your son sounds like my youngest!! We tried everything to get him potty trained, and what finally happened was...I said I wasn't trying anymore! I would put his diaper on (now keep in mind, I had to put that on backwards and then ducktape it, because he would rip it off). My son was so stubborn, and he still is, so what I did was just keep him in diapers and he finally came to me one day with his arms full of diapers and said, "No More!!"..and that was it!! I finally figured out, it had to be his way, not mine.
September 11, 2008 11:57 AM
Twin 3-yr old boys here -- I hear you on the potty training frustration! One is so stubborn he says he doesn't even want any of the prizes we've offered him. UGH!
September 11, 2008 1:01 PM
You described my oldest to a tee with the MB cars. Only he had to make a bm to get one. But he did the same with rejecting certain cars. Too funny. In the end, he was trained around 2.5!! My daughter's motivation was M&Ms. She'd get one for #1 and two for #2. Worked well. My youngest is still only 12 months, but I imgine it'll be a trip! Good luck!
September 12, 2008 2:29 PM
Christina, I feel your pain. My 3.5 year old JUST started pooping in the potty. I was at the DR office crying. I couldn't take it either. We tried everything! Same as you. We even did the cars and had the same results. Luckily, he took to the peeing, but the pooping took 9 mos and then the "perfect storm" happened in our home. He wanted to go to the bathroom, but uses that as an excuse to not eat dinner. I told him that if he had to go, no pullup! He fought me on it, and threw up to make me feel bad, but I persisted and we had SUCCESS! I couldn't believe it. Keep on trying. I use Huggies and with the coupons and Caregivers Marketplace, it hasn't been so bad. Good luck girl!
September 24, 2008 8:41 AM
I used a method I got on the internet for potty training in 3 days. It really took a week but it did work. Get rid of the pullups. They are a crutch. Underwear only. It can be messy but only for a short time. Diligence. I did it the old fashioned way when my oldest boy was approaching 4. My youngest boy was done before 2 1/2 with the 3 day method.
Kris in Indiana
February 21, 2009 9:51 AM
So offering to buy him a monkey is not gonna work, huh. Drats.