I’m just going to come right out and say it. When it comes to my kids, most of the time, I don’t really know what I’m doing.
Sure, I read a lot. I talk to other parents. I try to follow what my parents did with me. But most of the time, I’m flying by the seat of my pants.
So while I may make mistakes along the way, I love my boys to pieces. And that’s why gift giving occasions like Christmas and birthdays are so hard for me. I want to make my boys happy. I want to give them things they’ll love. I want to surprise them with well-thought-out gifts. But I also have a budget and limited space in my house.
My oldest boy turns 6 today, and as I wrapped his presents last night, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had bought “enough.” Maybe I should have picked up that one last thing he said he wanted. Maybe I could have added one more book or board game. I struggle with the idea that the pile of gifts looks “small” even though I know the value of what is inside. Does he have enough presents to open? Will he like them? Will he wish I’d gotten him something else?
And then I realized that this self-talk is exactly the kind of thing that gets people in trouble financially. And I realized that yes, what I bought was enough. I had found a few select things he truly wants and I found them on sale or used Swagbucks.
If I were to stretch my budget too thin and buy him everything on his wish list, what kind of lesson would I be teaching him? What sense of entitlement would I create in him?
Better to show my love for him in the cupcakes that I bring to school, the hug I give him before he goes to play outside, then to spend money I don’t have on things he doesn’t need.
It’s far better to give the gift of my time and unconditional love, for he will learn to give the same.
I think it’s important that kids grow up learning how to earn things… too many get showered with everything they want and get older without a work ethic… Not saying not to give gifts, but just not too many :)
–Whack-A-Deal
I feel this way too – but we often don’t get our kids ANYTHING – because so many other people do (even though we ask them not to!) A couple of small books and some one dollar bills seems to really satisfy them…(for now!) as they are 4 & 5…Sure, they ask why we don’t have a Wii, etc like ‘EVERYONE ELSE’ from time to time..but overall, we are doing what we can to appreciate the little things…
With more friends like you around…it would be a lot easier wouldn’t it?!? xoxo
Hey, my youngest daughter shares a birthday with your son — she’s five today. Wish him a Happy Birthday from us!
And I totally agree with you. With five kids, a few too many presents per child gets out of hand quickly, so we’re been trying different strategies. For Christmas we bought a lot of consumables — science kits for the boys and craft kits for the girls — and we’ve been limiting the birthday gifts. I also opened savings accounts for all of them at Christmas when ING offered the $25 bonus on kids’ accounts, so they’ve been really excited to deposit any monetary gifts in those and watch their balances grow.
One of my children just celebrated their birthday yesterday…so I am in touch with this. One of the grandmas recently asked for gift ideas. I couldn’t even think of 1 thing because I have 2 older children and so I have saved toys, clothes, books. etc. I’d like to think that I don’t go overboard (birthday child received one ride on toy from our family), but it all adds up just with a few grandparents and aunts/uncles. And if you go the party route with friends it gets even crazier. I wish I could suggest everyone give a book or a couple of bucks for the children’s college fund or even a special outing with the birthday child. I try to think of things all year long that my children actually need (sometimes want) so when I’m asked I’m prepared because some family members really want to give something to unwrap (winter boots, life jacket, camouflage clothing, Venus Fly Trap plant, gift certificates for books). When I’m not fretting about the gift side, I try to put the focus on the birthday traditions: streamers on the bedroom door, special cake, flowers…singing, etc.
As an Aunt, I always give savings bonds. Sure, my 5 and 1 year old nieces have no idea what a savings bond is, but I have feeling they will appreciate it when college rolls around! And I don’t feel like the ugly-sweater-sending-family member because there are too many gifts for anyone to differentiate who gave them anyway! Between parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friend, etc, children receive far more toys than, I think, any of us grew up with! When I was a kid, I’d get one gift from my parents on my birthday (and of course plenty from other family as well). They just didn’t have the money to buy four and five gifts. I have very fond memories of my birthdays (I think my mom got more excited than I did!) with plenty of “homemade” birthday parties. More than likely, kids won’t remember the Barbie you bought them or the newest Wii game, but they will remember that awesome Barbie cake Mom made or the board games they played with Dad.
What an excellent article! I, too, believe kids learn so much more from loving experiences than from “stuff.” Best wishes for a happy birthday in your household today!
I think a great thing to give a kid is special mom time, especially if you have more than one child. Even children who can’t read can understand a picture of a park or Chuck E Cheese in a card when you say “I’m going to take you there, just the two of us!” Being spoiled doesn’t get children anywhere. It’s a momentary guilt thing that adds up to years of sassiness and entitlement if not in check -says Andy’s mama who always asks him what candy he would like if he is good in the store ;)